A Gloomy Day

Contribution as part of the #BackStories campaign. This story is a first hand account of a person struggling with depression.

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Image courtesy of Pxhere

I wake up. It’s 1 PM. Damn, did I really sleep for 12 hours? Whatever, it’s not that I have anything to do. It takes two hours before I finally get out of bed. Two hours of scrolling through Facebook and Instagram. Look at all these successful people with their happy life. I feel nothing.

3 PM, I drag myself to the shower. Standing motionless in the shower for a while. Am I standing here for 5 minutes? 10 minutes? I don’t know and I don’t care. Not that there is anything waiting for me today.

3:15 PM I try to make breakfast. After a couple of bites I put my breakfast away. I don’t have any appetite lately. Not that that would matter.

4:20 PM I roll a joint. Finally some enlightenment in my day. Sitting there on my couch and smoking, I think about my life. What a sad life, sitting here in the middle of the week, smoking weed in the middle of the day. Why not looking for a job? Or study. Maybe working on your hobbies. I have a coloring book waiting for me, a yoga mat behind my TV or I could try to learn some new DJ moves. But I have no energy for that. It’s not that these things are somehow satisfying me.

My phone buzzes. It’s a message from my friend. “Hey how you’re doing? Are you going to the club on saturday?“ I stare at my phone but I don’t answer. Why bothering people with my depression?

Time feels differently when smoking weed.

Suddenly it’s 11 PM. I’m getting a headache of smoking too much. Alright, rolling the last one before going to bed.

I stare out of the window while sitting on my bed.

What did I achieve today? Nothing. Maybe breaking a new high score of doing nothing. I close my eyes.

What a gloomy day.

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If you have a story to tell that you would be uncomfortable or unable to voice publicly you can submit it anonymously by filling in the form on #BackStories main page.

 

Share this article with the hashtag #EspressøYourself and engage in the debate in the comment section below: do people today really understand what it is like to be depressed?

 

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    World Mental Health Day 2017

    Today is the official day  which the United Nation’s World Health Organisation has dedicated to raise awareness of the existence of mental illness.

    Unlike breaking a leg or a more commonly known medical condition such heart problems or cancer mental health can rarely be diagnosed through scientific tests.

    Many think it is an excuse, a lie used to manipulate situations or a good way to get paid sick leave from work. There might be cases of people abusing the system but this is something real.

    It is a serious illness which can be deadly mainly for the sufferer but sometimes there have been cases of people committing mass shootings, especially in America.

    Not recognising these conditions, making them worse by othering those who come out and talk about it is not good.

    Being a bully and causing people to suffer because of your attitude is not good either and this sort of attitude can worsen or even trigger episodes of mental illness.

    Stockholm hip-hop rapper Lorentz wrote a really catchy song called ‘Demons’ in which he talks about fighting inner demons. Unfortunately I was unable to find a music video for it but this is the link to the song on Spotify 

    If you wish to share a story on mental illness and difficulties experienced surrounding it feel free to leave a comment below or write in private via the contact form.

    Today more than ever, don’t be afraid to express yourself

    // Part of the #EspressoYourself campaign //