Contribution as part of the #BackStories campaign. This story is a first hand account of a person struggling with depression.
I wake up. It’s 1 PM. Damn, did I really sleep for 12 hours? Whatever, it’s not that I have anything to do. It takes two hours before I finally get out of bed. Two hours of scrolling through Facebook and Instagram. Look at all these successful people with their happy life. I feel nothing.
3 PM, I drag myself to the shower. Standing motionless in the shower for a while. Am I standing here for 5 minutes? 10 minutes? I don’t know and I don’t care. Not that there is anything waiting for me today.
3:15 PM I try to make breakfast. After a couple of bites I put my breakfast away. I don’t have any appetite lately. Not that that would matter.
4:20 PM I roll a joint. Finally some enlightenment in my day. Sitting there on my couch and smoking, I think about my life. What a sad life, sitting here in the middle of the week, smoking weed in the middle of the day. Why not looking for a job? Or study. Maybe working on your hobbies. I have a coloring book waiting for me, a yoga mat behind my TV or I could try to learn some new DJ moves. But I have no energy for that. It’s not that these things are somehow satisfying me.
My phone buzzes. It’s a message from my friend. “Hey how you’re doing? Are you going to the club on saturday?“ I stare at my phone but I don’t answer. Why bothering people with my depression?
Time feels differently when smoking weed.
Suddenly it’s 11 PM. I’m getting a headache of smoking too much. Alright, rolling the last one before going to bed.
I stare out of the window while sitting on my bed.
What did I achieve today? Nothing. Maybe breaking a new high score of doing nothing. I close my eyes.
What a gloomy day.
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